Wedding Invitation Etiquette

We are often asked by our couples on invitation wording and etiquette. Thankfully for them, we have compiled a list of samples from the past 5 years of doing wedding invitations. If you're doing your wedding invitations with us, fret not about the wording and text, as we will send you the samples for you to choose from, and assist you in getting it written right.

A wedding invitation card will typically contain the bride and groom's names, their parents' names if they are hosting the event, date, time, venue, and RSVP details. Some invitation cards might also include the couple's wedding website, reception and cocktail details, and maybe gift registry details as well. Here are some tips on wedding invitation etiquette.

1. Does the bride or groom's name come first?
In many Asian societies, where the groom is expected to pay for the wedding, it is common to put the groom's name before the bride's. Some might say that men are seen as the head of the household, and hence their name comes first. In Western societies however, the bride's name is placed before the groom's. Traditionally, the bride's family pays for most of the wedding as well so their family's name goes first on the invitation.

2. Must our parents' name be on the card?
If your parents are hosting the wedding and reception, it is respectful to include their names in your invitation. If not, you could use the phrase "Together with our parents" or just omit that altogether. Some couples do this if the guest list consists of mostly friends and few or no family members.

3. How do I list the times of all my events without cluttering the card?
The time of the most important event of the wedding day -- the wedding ceremony, solemnisation or reception -- is usually the one that comes first on the card. After that, you can include the timings of other events like cocktail hour or a dinner banquet. They can be written like this: "Cocktails will be served at 6.30pm. Followed by dinner at 7.30pm."

4. If I have two events and am inviting some guests to both and other guests to either, do I need a few different sets of invitations?
The answer to this is yes. You could have a set of invitations that invite a guest to both events, and have another set that invites a guest to only one event. Another way would be to have an invitation that invites all your guests to one event, and a separate smaller card that invites certain guests to another event. Couples who have special after-dinner parties, or pre-wedding rehearsal dinners, or a church ceremony and dinner reception, often do the latter. If a guest is invited to both events, both the invitations can be included in the same envelope. You do not need separate envelopes.

5. Is it rude to put a gift registry or ask for monetary gifts?
Traditionally it's considered rude to put such things on your invitation. However, today's bold and forward bride and grooms are letting their intentions be known to their guests, requesting for monetary gifts (common in many Asian cultures) or for gifts via a registry. If you don't want to make a social faux pas and yet want to include these, perhaps you could have it written at the back of your invitation in small lettering, or have it on a separate card. One of our couples wanted monetary gifts but as donations to a charity of their choice. So they had a nice poem written out with the details of their charity on a small card to be included with their invitation.

6. How do I tell my guests that their children are not invited to the reception?
An invitation to include children should ideally be addressed as "Mr & Mrs John Tan and Family", or if you're on a personal basis "John, Jane, Tommy & Katie". So if you're not inviting the kids, you should address your invitation and its envelope to Mr & Mrs John Tan. We think this should be sufficient to indicate that the invitation is for two people. However, many guests are unfamiliar with etiquette as well and they might just bring their children along (and maybe the maid too). To ensure that your guest list is adhered to, we suggest you follow up the invitation with a phone call if your guest has not RSVP-ed. Politely explain to your guest that seats are limited and you would appreciate their cooperation, or that you would like your ceremony to be a solemn one without the distracting cries of the little ones.

In a later post, we will answer more questions that may have baffled you regarding wedding invitation etiquette. Stay tuned...